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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24290845">back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/holyfckingshtno/pseuds/holyfckingshtno'>holyfckingshtno</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Black Friday - Team StarKid, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, F/M, Hanahaki AU, Hanahaki Disease, Unrequited Love, WILL ADD MORE TAGS AS I UPDATE, its very angsty GET READY</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:01:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,080</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24290845</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/holyfckingshtno/pseuds/holyfckingshtno</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 (Japanese); 하나하키병 (Korean); 花吐病 (Chinese)) is a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's feelings also disappear.</p><p>---</p><p>Linda never wanted this to happen. She never wanted to hurt over her best friend.</p><p>title from "all too well" by taylor swift</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Becky Barnes/Linda Monroe, Becky Barnes/Tom Houston</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. flowers bloom until they rot and fall apart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>title from "flowers" from hadestown</p><p>ok sO basically linda and becky are best friends in high school, obviously linda has a crush and gets hanahaki, but u might ask why becky does NOT get hanahaki over tom well tom likes her back ?? secretly ?? idk if that works with hanahaki but let's go with that . so . hm . linda is yearning we've gone over that</p><p>and yes linda and tom are friends here, but duh shes gna hate him and becky mhm mhm</p><p>also linda is sarcastic at the start but not a bitch yet if u know what i mean aha aha</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Krring! Krring! </em>
</p><p>"Okay, class, remember to review page 285 of your calculus textbook—"</p><p>Not listening to any of that, Linda Wilson ran outside the classroom to catch up with Becky Barnes. She quickly had become one of Linda's closest friends, and it was just December. "Do you wanna watch me practice my cheerleading? I could use some encouragement from you." The redhead smiled at her and the blonde couldn't help but grin back.</p><p>"Sure."</p><p>—</p><p>This habit of theirs continued until this day, even though it became less frequent. Becky started getting more responsible and would often go straight home right after class. Hell, even her crush, Tom Houston, noticed.</p><p>"Hey, Linda? Where's Becky?" He asked while he tossed the football to his teammate, Gerald Monroe.</p><p>The short girl scoffed and her lips curved into a slight frown. "I'm pretty sure she went home."</p><p>Tom moved to the right and the football came shooting straight at Linda. She quickly ran after it and spotted a taller girl wearing a cheerleader uniform. She caught the ball and landed in the auburn-haired girl's line of sight.</p><p>"Uh, Linda?" She heard Tom's muffled voice as she saw Becky smile brightly and wave at her.</p><p>She suddenly felt something scratch and rise up her throat. She dropped the ball and quickly ran to the nearest restroom, which was past the bleachers. She slammed the stall door shut and opened her mouth. She retched, and blood and thin red petals started to fill the toilet bowl. "Ugh, what the fuck is this? God, now it looks like I'm on my period or something..." She wiped the corner of her mouth and flushed the toilet, watching the blood and petals spiral down.</p><p>"Hello?" She heard Becky's voice echo through the restroom.</p><p>"Shiiit." She told herself. Becky repeated her question again, then left after no reply was heard.</p><p>She slowly walked outside of the girl's washroom and noticed a tall quarterback waiting outside. "I'm guessing you like her? It's not wrong to." Tom poked her shoulder before walking back to the field.</p><p>"W-what? No, why wou—"</p><p>He stared at her. "Did you vomit out petals? Maybe some blood?" He turned around again, continuing his trip to the field.</p><p>She grabbed his arm in disbelief. "How'd you know?"</p><p>Tom shook off her hand and just walked. "I know that look you had on your face, you know. I had it too, once." Her eyes widened, and she opened her mouth to reply. "What flowers did you exactly throw up?" He took a seat on one of the bleachers by the side of the field. Linda sat across from him.</p><p>"Well, there were—"</p><p>He quickly called out, "Hey, Charlotte! We need some help!"</p><p>A curly-haired girl who wore a blue sweater glanced over and waved. "Hi!" She ran over and inquired, "What's going on?"</p><p>"I figured you could help us with flowers—" Tom stated, but was interrupted.</p><p>"No, I'm not the right one to ask about that," she said, all in one breath.</p><p>"Nah, we just kinda need you to look up the meaning of a certain flower."</p><p>"Oh, okay, sure, I could do that. What flower?"</p><p>"I don't know… they looked like spiders? They were red and the petals looked weird," she said, recalling the blood and petals that came out of her mouth moments ago.</p><p>"Oh, red spider lilies? I heard they mean… um… death." She answered reluctantly. "What do you need this for?"</p><p>"Have you ever heard of the Hanahaki disease?" Tom asked. "The one where you puke ou—"</p><p>"I do. Sadly. My— my father had it."</p><p>"Oh." Linda stated blankly.</p><p>"Do you know what having Hanahaki means?" Char asked.</p><p>Linda thought, <em> Whoa, they seemed to know a lot about… whatever this is. </em>"…No?"</p><p>"It happens when there's unrequited love," Tom answered sadly. "The only cure is to get surgery… or to get the person to love you back."</p><p>"If none of those happen in three months…" Charlotte trailed off.</p><p>"What? What will happen?"</p><p>She made a slicing motion across her throat. Shit.</p><p>"Even if I have money, I don't think my parents would care enough to let me get surg—"</p><p>"Charlotte, baby, come here!" Sam Jackson shouted from the far side of the field.</p><p>"Sorry. Bye, guys. Linda, I hope for the best for you," she ran off, stumbling with the weight of her bag.</p><p>Tom turned to her and said, "You need to get surgery now—"</p><p>"No. It's fine. I'm fine," the petite girl said, pitiful.</p><p>She heard Becky's footsteps approaching them, and Linda looked up at her.</p><p>"Um, hi," she said awkwardly, rubbing her nape. The other girl waved back, equally awkward. "Linds, are you okay? I mean, I saw you talking to Charlotte and… I guess it looked... sad."</p><p>Linda looked to Tom, and the quarterback nodded in understanding.</p><p>"It's nothing. Uh, I'll just grab a snack, okay?" She said. She walked away, knowing Becky was still looking and probably hurt. Scratch that— definitely hurt. She ran to the back of the academic building to hide from the peppy redhead, but she felt petals scratching the back of her throat and ran to the front lobby instead. She rushed inside the girl's restroom and into the nearest stall.</p><p>She slammed the stall door closed and knelt in front of the toilet, wanting all of it to end. The flowers and blood came out and into the bowl, and she sobbed. She sobbed until her eyes dried out. She sobbed until she no longer felt pain, but her own thoughts taking over her body.</p><p>"So is this how I'll spend the rest of my life?" She asked herself softly. "Lonely, afraid… Away from her?" She choked on her tears as she felt more flowers rise up her throat.</p><p>Infinite physical pain won't compare to this. Having to spend the last months of her life avoiding the person that makes her the happiest? It's way worse.</p><p>Footsteps that sounded like Becky's were heard from the doorway of the restroom. "Linda?"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yeah uHM thanks for reading im sorry this was kinda short and shitty AHHAHAHA english may be one of my main languages but i dont think im rly good at it JHSJDGJHD catch me on twitter at @bwaysonny and on tumblr at @akicklineisinevitable tho</p><p>will probably update next week</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. i'll never shout it out to the world that i feel a certain way</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>title from "uncertainly" by ourselves the elves</p><p>linda's angsty :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Linda’s voice was muffled by the bloodied petals in her mouth and on her lips. “Becky? I’m in here. First stall.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cheerleader came barging in, slamming the stall door open. “Linds! Oh my god, are you okay?” Her eyes darted straight to Linda’s blood-stained lips. She knelt next to the smaller girl and put her hand on the blonde's face. “What happened to you?” She asked after a beat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nothing— nothing, I'm fine,” she replied, looking away. She felt the taller girl's thumb graze her lip, wiping away the blood and petals. “It’s just some kind of infection,” she says, laughing lamely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Some kind of infection?</span>
  </em>
  <span> You have a disease, Linda! These are petals!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not… fatal. I’ll get over this. I’m strong,” she chuckles, “stronger than you at least,” she joked, lightly punching the other’s arm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Linda! This is serious!” Becky shouted. “What… what happened? A-- and don’t say nothing!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...It really is nothing though. I’m not worried!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Linda, please!” she said, grabbing the girl’s bicep. “You have that… that flower disease.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, and it’s fine, I bet I’ll get over it in no time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Who is it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You might judge me… I won’t tell you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Linda!” she says, faux-pleading. “It’s not like it’s Tom!” she says, laughing nervously.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not. I know you like him, I won’t steal him.” She scoffs. “I’ll tell you in the future, I promise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine! I just hope the guy you like likes you back, so my best friend doesn’t have to have some dumb disease.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hah, yup, guy! Yup, best friend. Yup, yup, yup.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do hope so,” Linda says. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I do hope so.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get you up, okay?” Becky said, pulling the other up to her feet. She took Linda’s arm and slung it around her shoulders. “Is this okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright, Barnes.” She looked down to hide her blush. “I just-- You can just walk me home, or something. I’ll just rest, I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The girls walked together, stopping at the bleachers to grab their bags. They walked to the Wilsons’ mansion, still holding on to each other. When they arrived, they said their goodbyes and promised to text each other later in the day.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That midnight, Linda snuck out of her room and got on her family computer to look up Hanahaki. She clicked on the search bar and began to type until it came up in the search suggestions. She nervously hovered her mouse pointer over the box that said  “Hanahaki disease” and after a beat, she finally clicked it and waited for it to load.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A certain link was so enticing-- “Hanahaki disease: causes, symptoms, and cures.” She scrolled down and glanced at the only cause: unrequited love. Linda scrolled further down to the symptoms: scratchy throat, vomiting out petals and blood, coughing out entire flowers (usually of the same species). Finally, the cures. The article quoted:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>     “There are two cures to Hanahaki disease. The first is having the love requited. The second, albeit very dangerous, is to have surgery. This surgery will remove all sorts of emotion and the patient will never truly feel ever again. If none of these cures are taken within three months of having Hanahaki, the flowers in the patient's lungs shall suffocate them, killing them.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She felt herself choking back tears. She exited out of the webpage and clicked on AOL, searching up Charlotte’s username.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>adoremeee:</b>
  <span> so hanahaki right?</span>
</p><p>
  <b>adoremeee:</b>
  <span> i dont think i wanna lose all my feelings… i think it would b better if i just died haha</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tears dripped from her cheeks onto the keyboard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why do I have to live my last months away from her? I'm only going to suffer more and more and more with each day that I avoid her. When I die, will she miss me, knowing that she was the reason? Knowing that I only died because I loved her? Will she blame herself? By the time she finds out about this, will it be too late to save me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Questions spiraled in the boundless void in her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So it's either I die or lose all my feelings? Why did I have to live and love her? I'd rather leave her than be deprived of human emotions. I still wanna feel what it's like to love, but how can I do that when I love her? I want to stay here with my friends who support me but how can I stay alive knowing she will never love me back? How can I live and see her face and know that in the end, she will never know how much she meant to me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stared blankly at the chatroom screen then closed it. She crept back to her room, fists clenched to stop her from crying harder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why did it have to be Becky?</span>
  </em>
  <span> She laid down in her bed, sobbing quietly into a pillow. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Why did it have to be that stupidly pretty redhead?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her phone lit up with a ‘ding!’ beside her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>ra ra school spirit:</b>
  <span> hey u didnt text me lolz</span>
</p><p>
  <b>ra ra school spirit:</b>
  <span> its ok though tom texted meee im happy about dat</span>
</p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
  <span> aw im happy 4 u 2 beck!! :)</span>
</p><p>
  <b>ra ra school spirit:</b>
  <span> so turns out hes actually liked me back 4 sum time now!!! so now hes my bf isnt dat kool :D</span>
</p><p>
  <b>You:</b>
  <span> oh thats amazing 4 u thats cute :) so happy u guys finally got 2gether</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was not, in fact, happy. For Becky, she was. But for herself? No. Not at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck. God,” she muttered, trying to divert her attention from her thoughts to the real world. Her thoughts were better than the real world. At least she can still pretend she’s not plagued by a horrible, horrible disease that just shows how deeply in love she is with her best friend. The real world was dark and bleak and unfair for Linda. Becky’s in love with Tom and he loves her back and </span>
  <em>
    <span>why can’t it be the same for Linda?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She slept with tear tracks all dried up on her face. Her dreams were the safest place for her-- she was able to love the cheer captain freely without any worries. She was able to dream of a life where Becky did love her the same way.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But dreams end in the morning. Dreams aren’t real. Dreams don’t magically come true.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Wishes are dreams, and dreams are pretend.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>talk to me on twitter @bwaysonny and on tumblr @akicklineisinevitable if u liked this hehe</p><p>update in a few weeks since there's a lot going on in the world! i'm focusing on speaking up but i promise i'll get ch3 out soon :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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